Separation Anxiety in Toddler Development

Separation anxiety in toddler years can be absolutely heart-wrenching. Many parents have to drop their little ones off each morning with their toddlers kicking, screaming, and begging them to stay. The guilt can be overwhelming.

Know that this is a normal stage of development and there are steps you can take to reduce the intensity of the anxiety as well as the length of time this separation-related toddler anxiety stage lasts.

Once your young toddler discovers what psychologists call "object permanence" they often will develop some level of anxiety when they cannot find their parent, favorite toy, or in my grandson's case...his binky.

In other words, they've figured out that things that are here now continue to exist, and often they deduce that these things should always be within their sight. If mommy, or my blanket, or my doll is not here as it was a moment ago, something must be terribly wrong.

Here are some tried and true steps to take to help deal with separation anxiety in toddlers:

Peek-a-boo is a perfect exercise for this stage. Letting your baby know that, even though they can't see your face one moment, it comes back the next...with giggles this time.

Hide and Seek with your baby's favorite toys is also a great exercise to try. Most likely, your toddler's already been "hiding" their things all over the house. Get them involved in finding these things.

Whenever my grandson loses his binky, we both go through the house calling out "Binky, where are you?" This makes the seeking fun and he's all the more thrilled when we find it.

Practice leaving your child by saying goodbye and promising to return, and leaving the room for a short time. When you return, talk to the child and explain that you told them you'd come back and now you have.

When you do have to leave, make your goodbyes brief but always do say goodbye. Keep your exits simple, a kiss and a promise to return and off you go.

However to sneak out so as to avoid the child's crying will only make matters worse. For you to disappear only affirms the child's worse fear and this will prolong and worsen separation anxiety symptoms.

Relax and avoid feeling guilty. The more stressed out you get, the more your child will react to their own stress. Teach by example by staying calm yourself.

Remind yourself that this is a response to a normal stage of development and it simply means your child is beginning to make sense of this crazy world. AND remember, this too shall pass. It varies greatly but, with love and patience, this will most likely go away in a few months.

Visit DrGreene.org for more advice on separation anxiety

Return from Separation Anxiety in Toddler to Home

footer for separation anxiety in toddler page